before you ask for their hand, you have to touch their hearts 

A few years back, I met Vince (not his real name). A brief background: Christian family, lost his father at an early age, and a middle child. Since his family was new in church (they were invited by one of our church members), Vince and his siblings were introduced to me.

I visited them in their home one day for me to get to know them better. Vince really stood out. I remember my early conversations with him, he seemed to be very angry. They all knew the bible (studied in Christian schools) and when conversations continued with some bible talk, he would start a debate and tested my knowledge of the bible. (praise God for my 3-year Internship program) My first impression of Vince was he's a very arrogant young man. If I'd open a topic for conversation, he'd always find a way to disagree with me. He would always find a way to get under people's skin and admittedly he was successful. He wasn't popular with the other young people because of his attitude.

I have to admit, he constantly got under my skin. I would go home and complained to my wife about how arrogant, self centered and selfish this guy was. The tipping point for me was Vince's potential in God's Kingdom. I knew God had an awesome plan for his life. I wanted Vince on my side (God's side). I wanted to see him serve the Lord. I wanted what the Lord has planed for his life . . . but not at his current state.

After 4 and a half years, Vince is now a youth worker, leading a group of young men and involved in my circle of young male leaders. He was a decision maker in our core group of young leaders. He was liked and loved by almost all the young people in church. Some adults, even his own mom, even see and recognize that God has clearly moved in his life.

I do understand that the Lord Jesus Christ touched and changed his life. No doubt about it. Jesus is the only one that changes lives. All the glory is His. I do not want to steal the limelight and the glory from the Lord but as I look back and thought about it, I wondered how I helped Vince made it from point A to point B, from being hated to being loved, from being rebellious to being submissive.


LOTS OF PRAYER. 

Now, I don't want to talk about how prayer moves mountains. I believe that one way or the other, you know and believe that prayer works. So moving on . . .

I remember praying about Vince and have asked the Lord to change, soften, open his heart and mind to Him. The Lord really stretched me in all directions with this guy. But in all of my prayers, He revealed something so clear and simple. I've come to realize that He also wanted to change me. Somehow He allowed our paths to cross so that not just Vince's life will change but mine as well.

From then on my prayers shifted from Vince to me. I do not recall how many times I have asked the Lord for wisdom, patience, grace, and forgiveness towards Vince. And slowly but surely as I have allowed the Lord to change the way I think and see Vince, his attitude, outlook in life and actions changed.

Prayer IS a double-edged sword and, although it took a while, but my prayers shifted focus from asking the Lord to change him to asking the Lord to change me.

You may have come across people like Vince (or maybe not) but the principle still stands regardless how hopeless the person seems. Prayer does move mountains. You cannot do it on your own AND you need to hear that. You need Jesus as much as the young person you're caring for. In my opinion and experience, prayer is very crucial before everything else.


LOVE.

In my opinion, this is not felt. Believe me when I say that there was no 'feeling' in me that wanted to love Vince. Love is a fruit of the Spirit and for me, it all started with a decision to take that fruit and put it to action. Now, before that decision was made, a lot of prayer was sowed.

I saw Vince's potential to become a leader but that's not what he needed from me. He didn't need someone to see his potential and how much good he could do in the ministry and in church. He needed someone to love him. It was not easy at first (especially with all his defenses up) but as I made a decision to love him, somehow it penetrated his defenses and touched his heart.


SPEND TIME. 

This is what I believe that made the difference. (in a physical sense) No one wanted to be with Vince because of his attitude. I'm one of them. I've realized that the only way to show that love and care was to spend time with him. I initiated a lot of hang outs. We played video games, ate at the pizza parlor with some of the young guys, watched movies, visited him regularly at his home and had out of town trips. It made him feel comfortable and he slowly eased up on me and in a short time realized that I was not his enemy but his friend.

You're maybe thinking, "But I have about 100 students. I don't have the time to meet and hang out with all of them." I disagree. Yes, it may take a long time, depending on how many young people you have, before you have spent time with all of your young people but it is possible. These young people need to physically see that you're interested in them and spending precious time with them goes a long way.

Check your daily / weekly schedules. I know time is precious but so is someones life (in my opinion, even more precious). Bump off a few meetings to hang out with your young people. Make it a regular part of your schedule. You might shell out a few bucks and treat them from time to time but believe me, the investment is worth it.


GET INTERESTED. 

Like most teenage boys, Vince was interested in video games and hanging out with friends. Also, he read a lot of books. Thank the Lord I was also interested in those things!

Since I was not invited by the young men to play video games (maybe because of the age gap) I initially invited myself to join them. They would always, without any exaggeration, beat me in video games. But in some instance, maybe one in ten chance, I would beat them which would be the topic for days to come. Then the next time they would play, they'd invite me. Maybe they needed someone who'd always get beaten in the game but regardless, they know I was interested in the things that they do and like.

Find out what they like. Find out what makes them 'tick'. Find out what kind of friends they like. Find out what kind of girlfriends and boyfriends they are interested in (yes, I am also interested in the lives of the young ladies in my youth group, of course with the help of my wife).

Don't just know the information, experience it. If the young ladies like to watch some chick flick, try watching it. If the guys are interested in computer games, why not play with them. If they like to read certain books or novels, borrow or buy a copy and read it. Who knows. It can even be a topic of conversation.

Two things to be cautious though: I'd like to remind you are a Christian first. Meaning, that fact should not be compromised. Don't go 'sinning' or degrading your value system just because the young men are doing it. Don't compromise who you are for the sake of getting interested with the sheep you care for.

Second, the young people today cannot be fooled. There should be only one agenda when you spend time with them: and that is to spend time with them. No other agendas. No hidden agendas. They will know very quickly if you have one. Yes, as a pastor and leader, I do want to people to get involved in the ministry or organization but I do not want to manipulate them. What I want is very, very different from what the Lord wants. So even if I know Vince's potential in the ministry, I did not manipulate him to get him helping out in the organization but waited on God for His timing. It took a little over 2 years (I think) before he lead a group of young men. It was worth the wait.


TRUST.

As Vince became comfortable in the fact that I am his friend, slowly but surely I trusted him with little things. Gave him snippets of things to do, errands and made him do a few leg work. And as he was faithful in those little things, I trusted him with more things. It boosted his confidence level and he knew that he was important in the ministry. When a level of trust was established, he became more consistent in attending our youth group.

...

 This is not a topic about a problematic young person. I shared this real story to show you that before your young people becomes consistent in attending your youth group, that before you start placing high expectations from them; their hearts need to be touched by the Jesus living in you. Love them. Spend time with them. Get interested in them. Trust them.

Touch their hearts through Jesus Christ and they will follow you as you follow our Lord.

I was at the prime of my life in my so-called career. I was teaching in a prestigious university, was up for promotion to head a department, was well known by most students and I was making more money than I could spend. If I look back, these were good times in my career life. 

But God had plans . . . better plans.

Slowly but surely, my heart was leaning towards the lives of young people. Somehow I wanted to spend more time with them, listen to their stories and helping them in their so-called life. God ignited a fire in my heart for the young people, youth, teenagers, students, college people, fresh grads (take your pick) and allowed His burden to take over. I wanted to journey with the lives of young people. I wanted to be a witness on how the Lord will move into the lives of the young people and how the Lord will allow them to grow to be mature disciples.

I'm really not a blogger but I'd like this to be a venue and a place where I can share more than 10 years of caring, loving, sacrificing, training and seeing the lives of these young people grow before my eyes. I'd like this to be a place where I can share my thoughts, burden, passion and maybe answer a few questions about this young generation.

I'd like to emphasize that I am no expert and that I have no Phd's or Doctorates after my last name. The only thing I have is my experience (and a LOT of conversations with the Lord) which I believe worked (at least at that season of my life). I can honestly and humbly say that I do not know it all. I know I am still in the process of learning and experiencing new and awesome things. I am open to new ideas. I hope that as I share my personal experiences, that this would be helpful to you and maybe others who have little to no idea what they've gotten themselves into.